Things I Could Never Say
by Crazygirla101
Summary: John finds the notebook Sherlock had been using to write his best man speech. Johnlock


John was standing in their kitchen waiting for Sherlock to get out of the shower to start their dance lesson. "No, not _their_ kitchen, _Sherlock's_ kitchen," he said, correcting himself. He sighed and walked over to Sherlock's desk and decided to dig through it as he waited for his majesty to finish. Chances are not many people knew this, but Sherlock was extremely high maintenance when they weren't working a case.

"Makes sense, though, considering he always looks like he stepped out of a bloody magazine," John muttered out loud, wondering into Sherlock's room. John had been used to doing random drug checks on Sherlock. He never wanted to watch his friend go down _that_ rabbit hole.

John was carefully digging through Sherlock's pristinely organized clothes drawers, when he found a small notebook in the bottom of his sock drawer. "This is new," he said, looking at the outside of the book. Then carefully opening it to the first page.

"Best Man Speech" was written in the middle of the first page of the book. John arched both eyebrows in surprise and momentarily considered putting the notebook back before his curiosity got the best of him and he turned to the next page. Which was mostly just his name crossed out over and over. "John. John Watson. John Hamish Watson. What can I say about John?"

John chuckled, "Having trouble with the speech, Sherlock?"

He flipped over next page to see a pros and cons list of John marrying Mary.

It will make John happy

Mary likes me

Mary's understanding

They may have children

John needs a sexual outlet

It has taken John away

John won't have time for me

I miss John

Children!

Mary refuses to move into baker street

John kept snickering at Sherlock's ridiculous reasons until he got to the last two lines.

John chose Mary

John didn't choose me

John chose Mary

John didn't choose me

John eyed the words carefully, his heart beating just a beat faster as he traced the words with his finger. He was sure Sherlock didn't mean what he thought he meant, but still, the idea of it possibly meaning what he _wanted_ it to mean set his heart to skip a beat. He shook his head and turned to the next page. He knew he should stop now, but he couldn't.

What else had Sherlock written about him?

The next two pages were full of random marriage quotes.

"Marriage is neither Heaven nor Hell, it is simply Purgatory." - Abraham Lincoln

"A man is incomplete until he's married. After that, he's finished." - Zsa Zsa Gabor

"Marriage is like a golden ring in a chain, whose beginning is a glance and whose ending is eternity." - Kahlil Gibran

"If variety is the spice of life, marriage is the big can of leftover Spam." -Johnny Carson

"The secret to a happy marriage is if you can be at peace with someone within four walls, if you are content because the one you love is near to you, either upstairs or downstairs, or in the same room, and you feel that warmth that you don't find very often, then that is what love is all about." -Bruce Forsyth

"Marriage can be viewed as the waiting room for death." - Mike Myers

"Marriage is the highest state of friendship. If happy, it lessens our cares by dividing them, at the same time that it doubles our pleasures by mutual participation." - Samuel Richardson

"Marriage is a three ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering." -Anonymous

"I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life." -Rita Rudner

"Marriage is the process of finding out what kind of man your wife would have preferred." - Jay Trachman

"Marriage is like putting your hand into a bag of snakes in the hope of pulling out an eel." – Leonardo Da Vinci

"Marriage is like a cage; one sees the birds outside desperate to get in, and those inside equally desperate to get out." - Michel De Montaigne

John laughed out loud. Most of the quotes sounded opposed to marriage and they all delighted him. Would Sherlock use any of these in his speech?

The next pages seemed to be filled with all of Sherlock's reasons to oppose marriage in general.

"All emotions, and in particular love, stand opposed to the pure, cold reason I hold above all things. A wedding is, in my considered opinion, nothing short of a celebration of all that is false and specious and irrational and sentimental in this ailing and morally compromised world. We honor the death-watch beetle that is the doom of our society and, in time – one feels certain – our entire species."

John decided to stop on that first paragraph, he really, _really_ hoped that Sherlock was not planning to use any of _this_ in his speech.

The next page only had a few sentences written on it.

"How can you be getting married? How domestic of you, John. Dull. You're never dull. Why start now?

I don't think I can congratulate you, John.

How can I? When you're willingly entering the suffocating chains of domesticity?"

John sighed shaking his head at Sherlock's words, "You left me for two years, Sherlock, what was I supposed to do?"

The next page, it seemed Sherlock was really trying to write his speech properly.

"John and I have known each other

John is someone

What is there to say about John?

John and Mary will probably

End in divorce really

John and Mary

John and I

John and Sherlock

When John first came? Asked? Broached? I'm going to go with broached.

When John first broached the subject of the proposal of being the best man, I was confused. In truth, I hadn't

I confess, at first, I didn't realize he was asking me. When finally, I understood, I expressed to him that I was both flattered and surprised. I was happy. I never expected

I explained to him that I'd never expected this request and I was a little intimidated scared terrified frightened

Daunted

I explained to him that I'd never expected this request and I was a little daunted in the face of it.

I never expected to be anybody's best friend. Never expected to meet you, John.

John is the bravest and kindest and wisest human being I have ever had the good fortune of knowing.

I will never let you down John, and I have a lifetime ahead to prove that. I love you most in the world.

John. John. John.

Why'd you pick her over me, John?

I promised to him that I would do my very best to accomplish a task which was – for me - as demanding and difficult as any I had ever contemplated.

John Hamish Watson. John Holmes. John Watson-Holmes. John Hamish Watson-Holmes. John Holmes-Watson. John Hamish Holmes-Watson. Obviously my name should go in front of his. Surely, John would agree that Holmes-Watson sounds better than Watson-Holmes.

I was grateful for the trust

Additionally, I thanked him for the trust he'd place on me and indicated that I was moved by it-in some ways, very close to being moved by it. I had not said any of this out loud.

I have never said what I truly wanted to out loud. John, please, pick me. Not her, me.

I believe, that brides tend to favor exceptionally plain bridesmaids for their big day. There is a certain analogy there, I feel, and contrast is, after all, God's own plan to enhance the beauty of his creation or it would be if God were not a ludicrous fantasy designed to provide a career opportunity for the family idiot.

I am the most unpleasant, rude, ignorant and all-round obnoxious arsehole that anyone could possibly have the misfortune to meet, but you still love me, John.

You've saved my life so many times, and in so many ways.

You make me better, John.

It later transpired that I had said none of this out loud."

"John!" John's eyes shot up to meet Sherlock's.

"Oh," John said, studying Sherlock who stood there with a towel wrapped around his waist, then looked back down to the notebook, "Oh."

Sherlock quickly crossed the room and snatched the notebook out of John's hands, "Get out!"

"Sherlock," John started.

"Just get out!" he grabbed John by his shirt and proceeded to push him out of his room.

"Sherlock, stop!" John yelled back, but Sherlock ignored him and continued to try and get him out of their flat. John grew frustrated quickly and grabbed Sherlock by the back of his neck and used as much force as he could to propel himself forward and meet the tall man's lips with his own. Sherlock's reaction to it was almost comical, he stood completely frozen, then stepped back from John quietly and stood there in utter silence, shock evident in his face.

"I love you, you git," John whispered, watching Sherlock for a moment before he stepped back towards him and placed his hand on his cheek, "You know I do," he leaned up again and began placing soft kisses on Sherlock's lips, "I couldn't handle you dying."

"M-Mary," Sherlock stuttered.

John stepped back, "If you keep your word, Sherlock, if you never put me through anything like that again, then I'll go through the hell of cancelling the wedding."

"B-but," Sherlock stumbled, "You love her."

"I could never love anyone like I do you," John whispered, "You know that, Sherlock. All you have to do is tell me you're willing; promise me you'll never leave me. I've been waiting to hear you say it. All this time, please Sherlock."

Sherlock stayed quiet for a long moment before he closed his eyes and confessed, "I love you, John. I've loved you from the start. I promise."

John smiled and stepped back towards Sherlock pulling him into a passionate kiss, "I'm never letting you go again."

* * *

 **Author's note: This is a one shot and will not be continued. I hope you all enjoyed it.**

 **Special thanks to Ariene DeVere. I used her transcripts when writing this. You can find them here: a** **rianedevere .livejournal. com (just remove the spaces when you copy and paste it).**


End file.
